I swear the first sentence is always the hardest. So since I've already knocked that out, let’s discuss something that made me want to smack myself in the face this weekend.
As I last left off I told you I wanted to move forward and really start to make changes. This past weekend I was cleaning my condo and after staring at my bedroom for a while I started to think that if I bought a new comforter and maybe some sheer curtains that would brighten up my room, I would feel better. But here’s the thing. I don’t have any money to spend on such purchases but I got it in my head that I wouldn’t feel better till I had new bedroom décor. So off to Amazon I went in search of a décor that would brighten my room and therefore my life. But after setting up my shopping cart and getting ready to hit purchase I paused and realized I felt this guilt. I don’t have the money for this stuff so what makes me think I can possibly afford any of this. My room is fine. It’s my attitude that needs to change. If I want to brighten my room, why don’t I open those dusty blinds and maybe add some $7 flowers… And that my friends, is what I did.
I’m pretty sure you could classify me as a binge shopper. My credit card debt would tell you such too. Before my surgery last October I went into this whirlwind of shopping like crazy… I had to have this shirt to feel better, I needed the latest face cream from Ulta to not feel stressed, hell, a pair of boots would make me feel confident… I spent over $200. I already felt the guilt of spending so much money as soon as I got home and saw my damage. I kept the tags on everything and after my surgery, when my head was clearer, I returned everything. “Anything wrong with these items?” Nope. “Reason for return?” Over-zealous shopper…
I almost made that same mistake this weekend and updated my bedroom. I’m slightly proud of myself for not actually buying anything but the fact I go in these moments of extreme shopping needs to stop. My credit card debt is nothing to be proud of. I’m almost 26 and the weight of all that debt combined with my student loans is starting to get heavy. It’s time to grow the hell up.
A lot of times before going to bed, I wonder what I would do if I didn’t have any debt, if I didn’t have almost $1200 a month going to loans… I dream of someone coming up to me going “Here, I paid off everything, go live your life!” or what it would’ve been like if my parents had paid for my college. I buy $2 scratch tickets every now and then with the feeling of “This is the one. With this ticket, I am totally going to win the max $20,000 and start to get my life together.” I rarely win over $2. I did win $40 once and I thought hell yes! I’m on the road to the big winnings… and then it’s back to random $2 winnings…
I dream of getting out of debt quickly but in reality, I did a lot of damage and similar to losing weight, it didn’t happen in a day and it’s going to take a lot of work and determination to lower that number again. And in all honesty, it’s time to realize no one is going to pay off my debt for me. If I put as much time and effort as I did into hoping and dreaming and buying scratch tickets, I would probably be out of credit card debt by now… My student loans? Ya well I’ll probably have those for another 28 years…
It's time to realize I can get out of most of this debt with slow wins. Eating out less. Only going grocery shopping for what I need. Staying the hell away from Target haha. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Like in those moments with friends, its easy to say yes to dinner AND drinks. In my last post I mentioned that I’m realizing its time to say No to things. The more I say No to little things like a new comforter, curtains or that glass of gin and tonic, the more I might be able to say yes to bigger things, like say vacations… tropical vacations. Haha we’ll see… A tropical vacation is a long ways away from happening; Maybe what I needed all along was some $7 tulips.
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