Reason #88 why I'm single

Today has been so busy that I wound up taking a working lunch. But no worries I thought, I’ll just enjoy some Cheddar Chex Mix and keep plugging away. Oh Cheddar Chex mix… seriously one of the most addicting snacks and not surprisingly, I mindlessly grazed through a good portion of the bag. Unfortunately, I might have underestimated one particular pinch of cheddary goodness I was about to devour.  As I brought the little handful to my mouth, out of the corner of my eye I saw one chex go rogue. I immediately stood up to look around for the little guy but he was nowhere to be found. I actually started to get self conscious and began to pat myself down and check my hair. Still no luck. As I continued to look around at the floor, I glance down at my black t-shirt and wouldn’t you know, there’s a trail of cheddar... like a perfect outline of the trajectory that starts at the scoop neck part of my shirt and stops by my right boob (yes.. I said boob). At first I was all excited that they were big enough that the chex didn't fall straight to the floor but then I felt like a total fat-ass for actually having a line of cheddar, like a diabetic’s version of coke, on said boob. Any who... short story long (yes I said short story long too).... I followed the path of the chex but still couldn’t find the cheddary bastard.

I'm praying no one else saw this and that it doesn’t come up somewhere embarrasing, because I'm pretty sure this is one of the long lists of reasons why I'm single.