Am I the only one?

Am I the only one... that gets so excited to drink water that they choke on it?

I was sitting at my new desk, surrounded by people who don't fully understand my "quirkiness" yet (and probably never will). I had just refilled my water bottle and took a big swig when all of sudden it was like my esophagus said "No... no water Stacey". And then I get that overwhelming panic of, OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO CHOKE, and I'm stuck deciding between coughing up the water on my keyboard or forcing it down. This time, because I'll admit this probably happens once a week, I was able to not ruin my work keyboard or documents but I envitably erupted into a fit of coughing, which of course gets the attention of everyone around me. I sit there trying not to cough, but that only makes it worse, and then my eyes water, uncontrolably... to the point of where mascara starts to run. My god I am awkard. Wasn't this lesson one in life? Being able to drink? Twenty-five years later... I still fail at it.

Miserable business idea.

What is the deal with watching romantic girly chick flicks when your heart is most vulnerable?

Its like you're teasing yourself with this over-the-top view of how love should be. What happens to that couple after those credit roll, when that honeymoon phase of being together really stops? Because that's the movie that is hard to watch. (Seriously, The Breakup was a horrible and shitty movie. No disrespect to Vince Vaughn fans but really, that movie was painful to watch.)

Therefore, I think you should have to answer a series of questions before even getting to the opening scene of a sappy romance film. Like a heartache breathalyzer. If you happen to be at a borderline limit of heartache then Transformers or Anchorman will be (gently) suggested. If you're way passed the limit and dangerously drunk on heartbreak, well then, you get to watch The Boondock Saints or Fight Club or hell, Horton Hears a Damn Who.

I'm not sure how to go about this heartache breathalyzer, but I have a feeling once I sober up from this wine I'll be able to think more clearly on the business venture... or I'll just take down this post....and change the channel....

Annoyed.

Dear co-workers,

I just have a simple question. What is the deal with clipping your nails at work, AT YOUR DESK?? Its been three years... and I'm about to go crazy (for real this time). I understand life gets the best of us and sometimes it takes typing at keyboard to realize how bad your nails have gotten, but for the love of god and my stomach, can't you go into the bathroom to take care of your personal hygiene?! With every clip, I pray that you succeed in scoring in that tiny itty bitty trash bin you are aiming for. I really try not to think about if you miss, because honestly, if you're already willy-nilly clipping your nails at your desk then what's the say you care about the rogue pieces that land on the carpet... yep, I shouldn't have wrote that..... I'm gonna be sick. But seriously, knock that shit out.

However, if you decided to keep doing it, then I'll start bringing in nail polisher remover (that smells wonderful) and give myself a manicure at my desk, weekly. You've been warned.


Sincerely,
Stacey Chick

Facebook is an asshole. Part 2.

So a couple months ago, as you may remember, I wrote an open letter to facebook asking them to be a little more respectful and put better thought into the ads they showed on my wall. I think my letter fell on deaf ears....