Fungo Face.



Source: http://www.americanfitness.net/



When I was a sophomore in high school I pretty much had life figured out. Just kidding, but I was a manager for the Boys Baseball team. It was a pretty sweet gig. I got to manage with my best friends Amy and Becky. We liked to think that we did a lot of important and helpful things, but really all we did was fill a 5 gallon cooler with ice and water and then struggle to carry it from the locker room to the baseball field.

Boy did we struggle. Even though I played soccer, I had no upper body strength that was hatsoever beneficial to carrying that beast. Plus have you seen the handles on those things? There really was no convenient way to carry it. The cooler was either too heavy to carry alone or too awkward to carry with two people. We would beg the trainer who had the sweet golf cart to let us put the cooler on his cart and drive to the field but that would only happen a handful of times.

By the end of our first season with the team, I think the boys felt really bad for us because they started carrying the cooler to the field themselves.... or they probably got sick of us complaining.

But when I think back to those baseball days there is one memory that really stands out. It was a couple weeks into the start of our very first season. Amy, Becky and I were glued to each other's hips and were often found sitting on the bleachers or off to the side giggling like HS girls do in a room full of boys. One day we were at the gym in Recreation Center that was just behind the high school to watch them practice. At the time I actually worked at the Rec Center a few nights a week so I knew all the ins-and-outs of the place and had keys to everything. This would prove to be very useful.

So there we sat, on top of a table that was used for score keepers for basketball games. Somehow we got our hands on a bat and somehow I got sole custody of that bat.

 I didn't know it at the time but it was a fungo bat. As we sat upon the table chatting away, one of the players made the motion of throwing a tennis ball at us. Being naive and cocky as hell, as HS girls can be, I yelled back to him to *really* throw it.

I brought the bat back into the "ready position" and prepared for the throw. If I recall correctly, Amy moved out of the way. That probably should’ve been my first clue that something about this wasn’t going to work.

Well I didn’t take into account the laws of physics or common sense really, and when the ball was lobbed to me… I swung away…. To this day I’m not sure if I even hit the ball or whiffed it, but I do know for a fact I had a solid swing and I made contact with something…

I made contact with Becky’s face. Specifically and *luckily?* her forehead. Before I knew what I had done I could hear Becky saying (or yelling maybe?) a muffled “Oooomygodmyfaceoooo”. I instantly panicked and got super embarrassed for hitting my friend in the face.

 I tried to make the situation better by running to the storage room in the Rec Center where we had an ice machine and made a baggy of ice for her to apply to her face.

I remember as I brought the bag of ice over to her I could already see the lump on her forehead. Somewhere in or around that moment the guys on the team started calling her “Fungo Face”. Oh and did I mention that our sophomore semi-formal was the following weekend? Yup. I think someone made a comment about how lucky she was that I didn’t hit her in the mouth and break her teeth. I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach, full of guilt, but all I could say was “Ya… but its ok mom’s a dentist and she would’ve fixed it” (Unfortunately this wouldn’t be the only time I’d say that) (Oh and I should note, my mom isn’t actually a dentist, she’s a dental assistant…not that that is a bad thing, its just ya know... not the *same* thing)

Anywho… after the incident if I recall correctly, the lump on her forehead went away before the semi-formal, but the name lived on for quite a while. I visited Becky last year in Moab and she asked if I remembered people calling her fungo face… and oh… I did. Thank god we laughed retelling the story...

 

Facebook is an asshole.

Dear Facebook,

I write to you as a concerned user. I have been a faithful patron since 2005. Remember when you were just a year or two old and the talk of social media was only a whsiper? I've been with you for all the ups and down of interface changes, privacy issues, and the increasing amount of notifications. Some people consider you smothering and deleted you, only to return in a mere 6 months. I have never left you.

But just recently (today) I've notice a change in you. This week has been crazy and only yesterday I changed my facebook status to "single". I made sure to remove this update from my news feed immediately and I hoped we could all quietly move on from this. You, however, decided to take this "opportunity" to update my ads. I never really notice them to be honest, they were mostly just make-up suggestions and drinking things. But you have really kicked a girl when she's down with this and I will not stand for it.

I understand my profile admits that I'm originally from Rochester, but really? An unexpected pregnancy ad followed by a match.com ad? How did you come to that conclusion really? And at least give me a year or two before suggesting match.com, I think I deserve that respect.

And is this necessary? You're already making suggestions for me? Facebook you know me! Why would you even suggest that ad but most importantly, WHY SO DAMN SOON? Again, I only clicked "single" yesterday! I do admire your suggestion of Mud, Beer, Music, and Glory for some competition but I am still hurt by your smack in the face of ads reminding me I am in fact single...

I sincerely hope you clean up your act and change your ways. Until then I'm searching for shoes, lots of shoes! with the hope that my ads will refer to only shoes...
Match.com.... pfft... I thought you were better than this....

Sincerely,
Stacey Chick


(Original post on 3/9/12)

I think he saved like $2.00.

....so I went to the kitchen at work to make some popcorn and I notice this co-worker is rinsing his turkey deli meat in the sink... even letting the slices that he already rinsed rest on the bottom of the sink near the drain... I asked what he was doing and he said they "weren't quite fresh anymore" and he didn't want to throw them away... he then assembled a sandwich out of said deli meat. I lost my appetite.

Slightly funny. 100% Pathetic.

These times they are a chaging.

A lot of things have changed in the past weekend. I'd rather not get into too many details but I told a few friends this story and they laughed (hard), so I figured it would be good enough for here...

So this past Friday after careful consideration, he-who-shall-not-be-named and I have splits ways and which makes me now single. This is not the funny part.

What is the funny part is that while I was a blubbering mess I really needed to blow my nose... and I slightly needed to pee.... So I went to bathroom and realize that I was completely out of toilet paper, like down to the cardboard. The worst part is that I couldn't be mad at anyone but myself because I live on my own. I was that asshole... to myself.... But I start to think, "Ok, life sucks but I'll blow my nose with a paper towel." NOPE. I somehow forgot that I was out of paper towels too... who does that to themselves???

So there I stood, a complete hot mess, mascara everywhere, my nose a little runny and a growing desire to pee. I finally got up the nerve, wiped off my makeup completely and ventured in to public. Where you ask? Why WalMart of course! I went to where they wouldn't judge me, at least not that bad. I left WalMart defiantly with 6 rolls of toilet paper (sale!) and a rather large bottle of wine.

Overall the night sucked, but it was nice to see that even in shitty times my luck is ever the same....


(Original post on 3/6/12)